Comparisons

My wife is babysitting a friend's 17 month old for a couple days this week.  We thought it would be pretty easy because Hoss is 19 months and they would be relatively close in development so playtime would be great.  But after the first two days, it is harder than we had imagined.

What was the hardest, though, was not comparing our two children.

While playing outside, for instance, Hoss will start walking from the sidewalk onto the parkway, which is not allowed.  And he knows this, as we have directed him away from it consistently and told him that he can stay on the sidewalk or in the yard.

So when he steps foot on the parkway, it only took a 'Hoss!', to which he turned around, and then a shaking of my head 'No'.  He (after an age-reasonable hesitation, which I didn't not rush him through) turned around and played back in the yard.

The other baby, however, would run into the street!  And my wife tells me that she thought he might have hearing issues because he would rarely turn and acknowledge her when she called his name.  It is to the point where we are wondering if we should say something to the parents about our concerns.

I don't know how I'd react if someone said something (well, if you've read my other posts, it's pretty clear how I'd react, I think) about our child that was unfounded.  But if it was a real issue, though, I would be so happy they brought it to our attention.

Either way, we are very grateful for our son and the time that we've been given and we've invested in graceful, consistent discipline.  As my wife put it, 'Hoss knows that we mean what we say.'  And it's true!  He knows that if he continues to do something that he shouldn't (i.e. walking further onto the parkway) then I will get up and help him obey (by moving him to the yard and reminding him that the parkway is off limits).

Another great part about today was when we had to go inside after having a lot of fun playing and going on a walk.  Hoss was tired and did not want to go in.  But it was getting late and he needed to get ready for bed.  So we told him that we are going in.  And he cried.  A few months ago I would have hurried him in before the neighbors saw/heard him, all the while thinking, 'They will think we are horrible parents!'

But this time he walked himself to the porch (still crying), up the stairs - with help (still crying), and into the house (still crying), and straight on to the bed (still crying and with his coat and shoes still on).  It was so sad to see/hear.

But did you see what happened?  He did exactly as we asked him to do.  All the while we told him that it must be really frustrating to have to stop playing and having fun.  We told him that his feelings were definitely valid.  And we let him express his feelings of dislike for what we asked.

But he did it.  So there was no fighting.  No heavy-handed pushing him around.  I think we communicated that we will respect his feelings, even if they are not pleasant (to us).  And I think that will help him in all the stages of his life:  knowing that his big feelings are not bad things, but what you do with those big feelings is what matters.

Also, on a final note of comparison: I checked out this other parent's blog (the one who pretty heavily advocates Babywise and morality training and whatever else) and felt pretty miserly in comparison.  She has a bunch of cool widgets and shiny technological hoobajoobs, and I don't.  So I guess comparing isn't very helpful.  What goes around...