Saturday, April 3, 2010
In the most recent issue of Parents magazine (March 2010), there is a pretty insightful article about reading your partner's mind (or lack thereof).
I really liked it/learned a lot because it took about 3 different things that fathers would like the mothers to know and then vice versa. I read the father's things first (not on purpose - I didn't really know what I was getting into), and they were pretty spot on. It covered a few of the feelings I've had as a new father: working more because I feel a new weight of responsibility of a baby; needing to take 10 minutes to play a video game to defuse my day; and a third one I don't remember right now, even though I literally just finished reading the article (but it's in the other room and too far away for me to go get: Laziness - 1, Productivity - 0).
On the flip side - the things mothers wish fathers would know - the main theme I was picking up on seemed to be lending a helping hand around the house. Whether it is with baby duties or house duties, anything to alleviate the mother's immense workload would be helpful.
I definitely do not do enough of that. And I was trying to think of things I can help out with more. I've shared in previous posts about feeling helpless when Hoss only wants my wife (such as nursing). Perhaps chipping in more than I'm doing now will help with remove that feeling, as well as help my wife with not feeling overwhelmed. I should start washing the dishes. We don't have a dishwasher, and my sometimes OCD nature makes washing dishes for me a very very long chore. And painful, because I need the water to be freaking hot. In the end, however, we have pretty clean dishes, if I may say so.
Or, I could finally install the free dishwasher we have sitting in our kitchen (so, sorry, we do technically have a dishwasher). Someone at work was joking with me that it will make a good Mother's Day gift (hooking it up), even though we got it on Valentine's Day. I'm starting to think she might be right.
Anyhow, it was a great article that it also helped me see afresh my wife's needs. It can be really easy, I think, to slip into a comfortable routine, even though it may not be comfortable for everyone. But you get tired enough that good enough is good enough. And while that is great for housework, our relationship needs more than 'good enough.'
So, my wife, this is my public apology for not helping out enough around the house. It is also my public commitment to make a purposeful effort to help you more around the house. Even though you always tell me that you want me to come home and be able to just rest (and I absolutely love that about you), I want to bless you too and give you more freedom. I'm sorry Sweetheart for not being more diligent about helping you. I love you and appreciate all the hard work and sacrifice that you give for our family. You are literally the best mother in the world.
To everyone else reading, how do you tackle the sometimes tangled housework/baby duty list? Do you have a method that has worked in helping everyone keep some sanity? Please share your ideas in the comments below!
Thanks for reading and God bless...
I really liked it/learned a lot because it took about 3 different things that fathers would like the mothers to know and then vice versa. I read the father's things first (not on purpose - I didn't really know what I was getting into), and they were pretty spot on. It covered a few of the feelings I've had as a new father: working more because I feel a new weight of responsibility of a baby; needing to take 10 minutes to play a video game to defuse my day; and a third one I don't remember right now, even though I literally just finished reading the article (but it's in the other room and too far away for me to go get: Laziness - 1, Productivity - 0).
On the flip side - the things mothers wish fathers would know - the main theme I was picking up on seemed to be lending a helping hand around the house. Whether it is with baby duties or house duties, anything to alleviate the mother's immense workload would be helpful.
I definitely do not do enough of that. And I was trying to think of things I can help out with more. I've shared in previous posts about feeling helpless when Hoss only wants my wife (such as nursing). Perhaps chipping in more than I'm doing now will help with remove that feeling, as well as help my wife with not feeling overwhelmed. I should start washing the dishes. We don't have a dishwasher, and my sometimes OCD nature makes washing dishes for me a very very long chore. And painful, because I need the water to be freaking hot. In the end, however, we have pretty clean dishes, if I may say so.
Or, I could finally install the free dishwasher we have sitting in our kitchen (so, sorry, we do technically have a dishwasher). Someone at work was joking with me that it will make a good Mother's Day gift (hooking it up), even though we got it on Valentine's Day. I'm starting to think she might be right.
Anyhow, it was a great article that it also helped me see afresh my wife's needs. It can be really easy, I think, to slip into a comfortable routine, even though it may not be comfortable for everyone. But you get tired enough that good enough is good enough. And while that is great for housework, our relationship needs more than 'good enough.'
So, my wife, this is my public apology for not helping out enough around the house. It is also my public commitment to make a purposeful effort to help you more around the house. Even though you always tell me that you want me to come home and be able to just rest (and I absolutely love that about you), I want to bless you too and give you more freedom. I'm sorry Sweetheart for not being more diligent about helping you. I love you and appreciate all the hard work and sacrifice that you give for our family. You are literally the best mother in the world.
To everyone else reading, how do you tackle the sometimes tangled housework/baby duty list? Do you have a method that has worked in helping everyone keep some sanity? Please share your ideas in the comments below!
Thanks for reading and God bless...
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