Sunday, February 28, 2010
A couple nights ago my wife and I had a discussion that involved emotions. Many people may call it a 'fight'. And in many ways it was an argument to an extent: she had her view and I had mine. We worked through it, so don't worry. I bring it up because while we were 'discussing' I had one of those truth-encountering moments. For me, they sometimes happen when I'm talking about how I feel and I'll say something I didn't realize I felt before. Take this discussion for an instance:
I wanted to explain how I felt an immense amount of pressure (mostly from myself, but to a certain extent from outside sources) to spend a lot of time with Hoss. I talked about how difficult it is for me to leave the house every morning for a job I don't care much for - one that I feel keeps me 8 hours away from my family and drains my energy, leaving the dregs for the ones I actually care about. And more truth came out as I continued about the struggle with our parenting choice and the jealousy I feel when my wife nurses or is home all day with Hoss. Even though - and I know this in my head - she is sometimes jealous of the fact that I get out and talk with adults during the day.
Suddenly the heavens opened: I have a lot of guilt! I feel guilty when I spend 10 seconds away from him when I come home (even though I may need some time to recharge). I feel guilty when I want to read a book instead of read a book with him. I feel guilty that I spend all that energy at work and have little to offer him when I come home.
I don't know if other fathers feel this way. I've never heard another father say anything like this, but then again, I don't know a lot of guys who talk about how guilty they feel about anything. I don't think it is written in the 'guy code' to allow for weakness of any kind. But I feel pretty weak! And maybe there are other fathers who may feel that way.
So, I'm not really sure what to do. I'm reading a book right now called Awakening Children's Minds (link below) and it is pretty intense so far. It covered how Americans are over-worked (no surprise) and how it adversely affects our children. We strive to provide, but are overlooking the most vital provisions our children need. The author talks about how many parents who work full-time do not take the provisions offered them by their employer to balance work-life even though they are financially able to.
Right now, I know we aren't in the financial position to take advantage of the 6 weeks of unpaid family leave we are allowed, but I think this week I'll talk to my boss about options to have a better balance.
If you can relate (or even if you can't) please feel free to leave a comment! I'd like to hear what your thoughts are. Thanks, and God bless you....
Aforementioned book link:
I wanted to explain how I felt an immense amount of pressure (mostly from myself, but to a certain extent from outside sources) to spend a lot of time with Hoss. I talked about how difficult it is for me to leave the house every morning for a job I don't care much for - one that I feel keeps me 8 hours away from my family and drains my energy, leaving the dregs for the ones I actually care about. And more truth came out as I continued about the struggle with our parenting choice and the jealousy I feel when my wife nurses or is home all day with Hoss. Even though - and I know this in my head - she is sometimes jealous of the fact that I get out and talk with adults during the day.
Suddenly the heavens opened: I have a lot of guilt! I feel guilty when I spend 10 seconds away from him when I come home (even though I may need some time to recharge). I feel guilty when I want to read a book instead of read a book with him. I feel guilty that I spend all that energy at work and have little to offer him when I come home.
I don't know if other fathers feel this way. I've never heard another father say anything like this, but then again, I don't know a lot of guys who talk about how guilty they feel about anything. I don't think it is written in the 'guy code' to allow for weakness of any kind. But I feel pretty weak! And maybe there are other fathers who may feel that way.
So, I'm not really sure what to do. I'm reading a book right now called Awakening Children's Minds (link below) and it is pretty intense so far. It covered how Americans are over-worked (no surprise) and how it adversely affects our children. We strive to provide, but are overlooking the most vital provisions our children need. The author talks about how many parents who work full-time do not take the provisions offered them by their employer to balance work-life even though they are financially able to.
Right now, I know we aren't in the financial position to take advantage of the 6 weeks of unpaid family leave we are allowed, but I think this week I'll talk to my boss about options to have a better balance.
If you can relate (or even if you can't) please feel free to leave a comment! I'd like to hear what your thoughts are. Thanks, and God bless you....
Aforementioned book link:
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