Monday, March 22, 2010
One of the things that I wonder about (read: worry about) is if Hoss will be a 'strong-willed child'.
I don't think I have seen any sign that would validate this, but I feel like with our choice of parenting lifestyle, a strong-willed child would be the antithesis of it, if I'm using that word correctly. They would be the Mr. Glass to our Raincoat Man (that is supposed to be an Unbreakable movie reference). They would be the most challenging possibility when using grace-based discipline.
My wife's brother was a strong-willed child. And her parents, regrettably, seemed to not be equipped to handle his passion for life. They used the tools available to them, from their own experience as children (as we all easily can do) and went with the punitive path for his strong-willed living.
And, according to my wife and her sister, it made things a whole lot harder for everyone involved.
In Laura Berk's book (I know, I'm referencing it again....but it is really good!), Awakening Children's Minds, she talks about the negative side of spanking. According to a study done of mothers who spanked, the more spanking they did, the more antisocial behavior surfaced in their children two years later (p. 227).
And I just have to quote her here:
Laura Beck goes on to talk about dealing with the strong-willed child a few pages later. It is great because she presents the strong-willed child not as a person to fear, but as someone with a lot of energy that can and will accept the loving discipline of constant, kind parenting.
I think she really advocates the pro-active nature of parenting. The 'Get Off Your Butt' approach, as I think it is called on the internets these days. And this way takes a lot more work, I think. You have to anticipate and really know your child's needs to pull this off. Thankfully that knowledge is easily gained. But it requires spending quality time with your child. In fact, that's the only way to gain it!
How difficult is it for you to make the time to spend with your child? What obstacles do you find stand in your way most days? Please leave a comment below! I'd love to hear feedback!
Also, the book is linked below (again!) if you want to check it out:
I don't think I have seen any sign that would validate this, but I feel like with our choice of parenting lifestyle, a strong-willed child would be the antithesis of it, if I'm using that word correctly. They would be the Mr. Glass to our Raincoat Man (that is supposed to be an Unbreakable movie reference). They would be the most challenging possibility when using grace-based discipline.
My wife's brother was a strong-willed child. And her parents, regrettably, seemed to not be equipped to handle his passion for life. They used the tools available to them, from their own experience as children (as we all easily can do) and went with the punitive path for his strong-willed living.
And, according to my wife and her sister, it made things a whole lot harder for everyone involved.
In Laura Berk's book (I know, I'm referencing it again....but it is really good!), Awakening Children's Minds, she talks about the negative side of spanking. According to a study done of mothers who spanked, the more spanking they did, the more antisocial behavior surfaced in their children two years later (p. 227).
And I just have to quote her here:
A great deal of research shows that [spanking] promotes only temporary compliance, not lasting changes in children's behavior. Children who are repeatedly criticized, shouted at, and slapped are likely to display the unacceptable response again as soon as adults are out of sight and they can get away with it. (p. 227)That really just ties in with previous posts about the real goal of parenting in raising children who obey or love or work from the heart. Children who can think critically and are able to function independently. And to function independently morally as well.
Laura Beck goes on to talk about dealing with the strong-willed child a few pages later. It is great because she presents the strong-willed child not as a person to fear, but as someone with a lot of energy that can and will accept the loving discipline of constant, kind parenting.
I think she really advocates the pro-active nature of parenting. The 'Get Off Your Butt' approach, as I think it is called on the internets these days. And this way takes a lot more work, I think. You have to anticipate and really know your child's needs to pull this off. Thankfully that knowledge is easily gained. But it requires spending quality time with your child. In fact, that's the only way to gain it!
How difficult is it for you to make the time to spend with your child? What obstacles do you find stand in your way most days? Please leave a comment below! I'd love to hear feedback!
Also, the book is linked below (again!) if you want to check it out:
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