The Lazies

It is funny (but not in the strictest definition of 'funny') how being a grace-based parent can come across as being 'un-initiated' or 'lazy'.  My wife read something today where a mother accused parents who are too 'lazy' to discipline their children as using 'grace' as an excuse.  But she can beat her children senseless, and that's ok.  

See how fun generalizations and stereotypes are?

Sorry for that last bit of bitterness.  I think I struggle, and always have, with being judged.  Who doesn't, right?

Maybe I never noticed being judged before because I was always doing the judging.  I was always the 'right' one and doing everything 'correctly'.  Now the tables have turned, and we are doing things so opposite of everyone we know that it can be discouraging.  Especially when they take jabs like that at your lifestyle decisions.

And that is really what this is.  Grace-based parenting is a lifestyle choice.  It is an all-encompassing decision!

For me, this lifestyle decision made me aware that everything I do, Hoss is watching and processing on deeper levels than I see at the moment.  If I'm patient with him when he wants to touch every single item in the grocery store aisle, then he is patient with me when I'm fumbling around with the car seat latches and need him to be still.  

Now, I carried this mindset of always being watched and evaluated over to the punishment sector of parenting.

What am I saying when I hit him?

What am I really communicating?

Am I telling him that what he is doing is wrong when I hit?  Or am I telling him that whatever he was doing (whether actually 'wrong' or just inconveniencing me....doesn't matter) can be solved by me hitting him and causing pain?

I don't think I want to teach that to Hoss or any child, for that matter.  I want them to know that inflicting pain on others is unacceptable.  More than that, I want to teach him to respect and love others and himself.  And to not just obey because I tell him to.  Obey because he wants to.  Not out of fear, but out of love.  And can you really do that by hitting them?

Ok, hopefully next post we will have drifted away from this rant on other people's blogging and back on track.  Sorry!  But sometimes you just have to post....