Monday, February 15, 2010
One of the biggest changes that I've noticed about grace-based parenting is how much I need to grow as a parent. It is true that having children adds another dimension to you as a person. And I think it has brought out some sides of me that I didn't think were there. Things like operating on very limited amounts of sleep (college doesn't count because even if you can go a few nights with little sleep, you finally crash and sleep until mid-afternoon...this parenting thing just doesn't end!) or being empathetic towards others. Take for instance the Countdown:
My wife and I usually employ a counting technique when we are driving home and Hoss has just had it with being in a car seat. When we reach a certain point on our route, relatively close to home, we both start counting out loud with exaggerated voices. This really helps him calm down and focus on our voices...we have always made it home from the moment we start counting to the moment we pull into the drive without him crying. It's amazing.
And today, we were playing outside for a few minutes in the snow before we were set to leave for dinner. Hoss was having a lot of fun and I gave him a verbal direction: 'We are going to get in the car (point to the car) in 5 seconds. Do you understand? 5....4...' And, no exaggeration, the moment I started counting, he turned around and headed for the car! It's not the first time that this happens. I usually use the Countdown for other activities that he really enjoys doing and I know he'll have a harder time stopping.
I'm just really amazed and humbled at the change in how I now view parenting. It isn't about always fighting against a strong-willed child. It's not them needing to respect my ego as a father.
It is about understanding and anticipating our children's needs. If I had just forced Hoss to stop cold turkey whatever he was doing, he would have freaked out. And who can blame him? I like to take a few seconds before I approach a situation with him and think, 'If I was him right now, how would I be feeling? What is the last thing I would want to do? How would I want someone to help me stop playing?' That sounds a little odd now that I'm typing it out, but I really think it helps. It also is growing in me an empathetic spirit. I'm starting to really appreciate this two-way street of growth in parenting...
My wife and I usually employ a counting technique when we are driving home and Hoss has just had it with being in a car seat. When we reach a certain point on our route, relatively close to home, we both start counting out loud with exaggerated voices. This really helps him calm down and focus on our voices...we have always made it home from the moment we start counting to the moment we pull into the drive without him crying. It's amazing.
And today, we were playing outside for a few minutes in the snow before we were set to leave for dinner. Hoss was having a lot of fun and I gave him a verbal direction: 'We are going to get in the car (point to the car) in 5 seconds. Do you understand? 5....4...' And, no exaggeration, the moment I started counting, he turned around and headed for the car! It's not the first time that this happens. I usually use the Countdown for other activities that he really enjoys doing and I know he'll have a harder time stopping.
I'm just really amazed and humbled at the change in how I now view parenting. It isn't about always fighting against a strong-willed child. It's not them needing to respect my ego as a father.
It is about understanding and anticipating our children's needs. If I had just forced Hoss to stop cold turkey whatever he was doing, he would have freaked out. And who can blame him? I like to take a few seconds before I approach a situation with him and think, 'If I was him right now, how would I be feeling? What is the last thing I would want to do? How would I want someone to help me stop playing?' That sounds a little odd now that I'm typing it out, but I really think it helps. It also is growing in me an empathetic spirit. I'm starting to really appreciate this two-way street of growth in parenting...
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